“Waiting”

waiting

 

And there are so many things
I really should do
but to sit here
in this dark room
and write
but—
i won’t.

I don’t want to let this moment pass, to go
away
without letting it out,
spilling it on the page

and I’ll sit here
trying to be calm
but inside
my guts are twisting up

I want to leave and drive and
I have to wait here
tormented

I hear the bell outside
and awakened I am there
looking out the half-covered window
to stop
and listen

waiting, waiting, waiting
I hate to be idle—
one hour more and escape is near

 

 

 

photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/50417132@N00/4688099733″>You were like a wishing well</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

“Parts”

parts

All of these parts
I have inside
Some exposed
Others I hide

But all, it seems, are quite distressed
A wash of death,
A hectic mess

Haphazardly strewn, they are, at best
inside a body
without rest

a mind of swirls
clouds of mope
devils, danger,
fear, cut-throat

Amidst it all, a smile facade
no brick, no stone
but merely straw

loveless it seems,
weak at best
desperate to die,
a waking crest

simile. metaphor.
what all may be
a treasure trove
catastrophe.

 

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“The One You Chose”

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And so you’ll choose her,
the one
who will
chew you up
and
spit you out,
her mouth foaming
her heart, an empty vase, flowers wilting within—
just a momentary beat with
no true sentiment
a clock without gears
just tick tick tick…

there will be no pause,
no remorse for your soul—
for you, never love,
you’re nothing but her toy
a simple trinket with which to play;
when boredom grasps her,
away you’ll be tossed

and you’ll think of me then
the one who would have loved you
exactly as you ought to be—
exactly the way you never
dreamed you deserved
you will see my face each night
inside your mind, oh the torment
for not having tried
and you will
wonder what could have been
how the world would have been
brighter,
more whole,
less of the lesser—inside you

and yet—
my never-to-be love,
I am not the one you chose

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/91695677@N00/4723657763″>I Died So I Could Haunt You</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

the place

 

road_dreamin my heart
there is a place
that dreams
i hold it there
so tightly
i never waver—
in the times
i feel weak
i cling to it
i cling to the place
where my dreams
still
have life
i inhale,
breathe that place deep
into my lungs
i let it permeate my every pore
swell heavy in my spirit
bring joy into my heavy heart
thump
thump
pulse
pulse
surging
spirit, soul, collide
my dream comes alive once more

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“High”

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And when I am alone

I dream of who I want to be

Who I want to make this journey for me

The love I hope to give and receive

All the beauty in this world

Too much for one soul to believe

I long to spend every moment

Getting lost in it

Never forget that you are perfect

to me.

Leaves will start sprouting forth their

New golden colors,

and like kings and queens,

they will shimmer so bright

I will adorn my head with

A crown made of the last flowers

Some dull, some bright,

Those that have held tight to the earth

I will praise them for their fortitude and

Honor their loveliness

My arms, like wings, will dance

and sway in the cooling breeze of autumn—

and I will forever find joy once lost

high up on those mountaintops.

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/nathanoliverphotography/8124995320/”>Nathan O’Nions</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>c

 

“Dizzy”

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When the lights burn out

She removes the mask

Prepares her soul for the daunting task

And with her lips, a crimson pout

She begins to move above and about

She draws circles around and around

Up and in and right and down

Seething, sneering, as if in haste

“This life, she shrieks,

Has been a waste!

If not love,

Then why exist?

My heart, these aches, they dare persist

Crumbling inside me

Perpetually toiling

Sending me reeling, cascading and boiling

I plunder, I haunt, I vomit my blood

It’s my life, it hurts, it’s pain, it’s love

Dizzy, so dizzy now.

I feel I’ll spin

Right out of this world

Like the worst of sin

For loving you makes my heart go weak

Too much inside I dare not speak!”

So close up that forest and let her rest

Her heart is shattered beneath her breast

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“What good girls do”

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Even stillness hurts

The cold grasp of the lonely

I slowly untied my shoes,

Slid my bare feet into the grass

It cooled

I was heated after we spoke

I hadn’t been touched for over a year

and when you told me I was the most

beautiful angel

I believed you

It stuck in my brain,

permeated my sheets and I soiled them

with stickiness

waiting for you,

but denying you

because that’s what good girls do.

 

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“Instead”

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Instead
I will be someone else
Instead I will abandon my heart
Instead I will question
The reflection in the mirror
Shout to it
Cross and petulant
I will deny it
Tell it to go away
Deny its beauty
Shudder at the thought of acceptance
Drown in tears
Spill dreams
Escape
Instead
All these things because of what you said

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“Pennies in the water”

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Under the booth
I tried to squeeze past your
Disregard
Tears fell too often
Mascara slid
down cheeks
that were innocent and naïve
Much too kind
Much too damaged
Your eyes were never for me
Your heart never unselfish
Mine was lost
Mine was burdened
Pennies in the water
Wishes were made
Yet still, you were not the one for me

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“Smudged”

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She’s a cross-legged almond eater

Look at how she poises herself there

in the chair.

I’m not really interested

in how much you can persuade.

Liars tell lies, and sometimes,

I buy one just to see how

well it will shine up later on

when I give it a rub-

A few passes over with my thumb,

and still it seems quite smudged, but

I tried.

And so did you.

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