“Absorbing You”

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I want you to come back
I want you here
How I wish I would have
Spent more time
Spent more of my energy
absorbing you
Your kind heart
That hospital
All those times
The fear, knowing you were there
How I wish you were here
Your smile
That one missing tooth
creating the funny gap
So endearing
Just you, Grannie
Your heart is my heart
You live on inside of me
Every day
I want you here
I know you can’t be
I know you had to go
I know—

Still.
I miss you.
I love you.

“Break Through”

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In the midst of my ache,
my hurt,
my fear,
I watched as many
ran for help—
watched all the souls
hurting too
we were the same;
sometimes
I allow myself
to wallow,
feel sorry for myself,
forget that so many others
have far fewer blessings, and
far more burdens
While I cannot always control my feelings,
I can choose my actions;
I can spend more time
helping those around me;
I can spend more time
focusing on the wonder of life
Many times I have realized
life is all about moments—
Some are exceptional;
they steal our breath away
and we pray they will never end;
sometimes we take a photograph
capturing that perfect moment,
as if to hold on to it forever
Others we pray we make it through;
we literally tell ourselves, “this is a moment;
I just need to get to the next one, and maybe
the pain won’t feast on me in that moment
Maybe my worries will be less,
or my desperation will weaken its grip;
maybe in that next moment,
I will find strength,”
and then, that moment moves by
just like the breeze
never seen, but felt—
the moment moves effortlessly to the next;
you feel it, and all at once,
you find a way to
break through…

photo credit: Løkken panoramica. via photopin (license)

“Lost at Sea”

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Lost at sea
I would love to be
no bills to pay
no phone to ring
no worries for me
let the waves lull me to sleep
nightly
the warm sun tan my naked skin
adorn me only with the salt of the sea
around me nothing but the calm,
delicate breeze,
and the birds of the air—
fish below, to and fro,
all creatures existing in perfect harmony;
all would be as it should be
I’ve been on this land far too long;
it’s withered my spirit;
I need renewal
I’m setting off now
Don’t expect me back

photo credit: lala land via photopin (license)

“Let it Go”

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I wish I knew the way
to just let it all go—
Relax.
Believe.
Trust.
Scattered in my brain
Ache in my heart
Help me to be more like You.
Remind me that I have Your Mind
and Your Spirit
Walk with me Lord
Oh, how tired I am
I need You so
I know that You love me,
but I feel like I am failing
I am so scared
Please draw near to me

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/36093266@N06/6281951891″>Secrets of Nikko 日光市</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

“Sort Well”

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A coin-operated laundry shop just opened
nearby—
I think I’ll have a look;
should find a mighty fine
piece there.
worn out, dirt-covered jeans
I watch the suds cover
like frothy ocean waves
gentle hum of drying machines
mingled with anxious whirls;
it’s clean here
I can cleanly launder my things here—
my unmentionables; gasp,
The woman behind the counter shoves a box of soap powder
across the counter to a man in checkered flannel sleeves;
he seems pleased with the quality,
drops the coins into the drawer
Kerchunnk!!!
throws in the soiled garments, his quality soap powder
and
drops the lid
Such ease and without the care
I take
sorting
perfectly folding in the end
corner to corner
must have absolute clean lines—
He steps out for a smoke
I’m folding my panties into perfect squares;
he steps out to the lot and turns to face me
our eyes meet briefly, then
back to my squares
That man with the smoke,
he saw my damn underwear.
Fuck it.
I’ll leave here with my pride in check
and he will have pink boxers.
The ills of improper sorting.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/97402086@N00/13501786684″>Frama Coffee Shop and Tumbleweed Laundrymat</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

“Warmth”

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The warm southern breeze lifted
her hair straight to the sky
Her freckled nose cringed
as she let out a satisfying shriek
She could hear the waves crash below
The salt air pervaded and
Stepping nearer the cliff,
she looked down upon the couple
there on the beach;
their bodies tangled together in a mess
of sea and flesh
Love lifted up to her and
she sensed what they had
She longed for that—
to have that moment of
stolen embraces
sand and sweat
warm rays of sun
that wind whirled around her once more
just enough to bring her back;
she looked up to the heavens
and praised Him for this wondrous moment in time

photo credit: A pre-sunset sunset via photopin (license)

“You Saved Me”

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Echoes.
Did you hear me?
I spoke under my breath
huffed—
Pretended to be careless
Feigned disinterest
I wanted to try
The first in a long time
Hope
A glimmer, and I knew—
It wasn’t reciprocated.
Stood tall and strong
Statues admired my stone face
I thought,
If I keep this curvature to my upper lip
You’ll think I’m happy
Not dying inside
Not wondering what flaw made you run,
Or are you just not the one for me?
Perhaps you know something of yourself
Something wretched. Unloveable.
So you run.
You save me.
From you.

photo credit: Nature makes me feel alive. via photopin (license)

“My Faith Will Abide”

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In the stillness,
I think all things
I wonder and hope;
I believe that, the path,
once I choose,
will lead me right where
I need to be
Yet—
I am fearful.
They say to just “decide.”
Decide to move on
Forward.
Ahead.
Towards.
Never stop.
I am still afraid.
Yet—
My heart beats so loud
Like a drum erupting inside my chest
My ribs, they push out forward
Nearly to the point of breaking
All to allow room for the
fullness.
Thump. Thump.
Move.
Decide.
Choose.
And so I do.
The fear will subside.
My faith will abide.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/11574896@N03/3920209837″>grow and stretch</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

“Illumination”

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Is it a wonder why I wander
around here looking for you?
I guess I thought I might
have seen a sign.
It flashed for just that one
moment.
My breath danced in the frigid air before me
I exhaled deeply,
smiled a sheepish grin,
and with pouted pink lips,
pulled my fingertips to my mouth
and pretended
to smoke.
The juke box bellowed
one sad tune after another.
Soft sexy melodies pushed their way
through the doors;
I leaned back and let them wrap me up
One more exhale and “I’m out.”
Time to bring these bones to life.
Shattered hearts filled the bar stools
and cheap cologne reeked into the stale air
The lights illuminated the dust
and faces with eagerness
rushed and smiled and eyes lowered then lifted
to see
beauty
there.
Love doesn’t live here,
illusions of us do.

Made Just for Me

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Swirling inside my heart

I find that there is a love so true for you

You-the one I have yet to meet

I dream of you and how God perfected you just for me

Here I am still toiling away

Wondering where I fit in this world

I wonder where you are in this huge

Expanse of space

And are you too thinking of me—

I ponder on

The craftsmanship of God’s hands, the time

He took when artfully He

Created the beauty that is your soul

I am still being molded and shaped

I am so imperfect

Yet I long for the day when God will

Bring your heart close to mine

Oh that I could love you

That I could finally look upon the eyes of the one

God made just for me

 photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/chiarashine/4045204750/”>chiarashine</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;